Quiet evenings… Loud thoughts

I have spent this weekend getting a LOT done around the house. I mean putting up Christmas items, tossing the tree, re-covering the rig before it snowed again.. (and snow it did, the next day after I covered it). Cleaning the house, doing laundry, little tune ups to the house putting up weather stripping, just little knick knacky things that I would otherwise blow off. Replied to some emails, sent a few pics, putzing around. Trimming up the plants (we have a few now) repotting a couple that for whatever reason were croaking. (trying to grow a green thumb). And during that time, reading up on mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a new concept for me. for the most part, I run through life on autopilot. Seriously. I flit from day-to-day without committing much to memory. And this is a multi-layered problem. Having been diagnosed unofficially with ADD or ADHD, my mind wanders.. a lot.. ooooo look! a bunny! (where was i?) Oh yeah, here. mindfulness.

The other issue was a concussion I received in Oceanside, CA. Myself and five of my buddies went out into town and proceeded to get very very drunk. We were on our way back to the buses to head back to base, one of my friends was carrying another across his shoulders as he had completely passed out, and we had just turned to head towards the bus station. The last thing I remember was seeing my friend hanging from the other guys shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

I woke three days later in a complete stupor in the hospital on base. I was in restraints. I looked down at my wrists and like some really bad movie, I am strapped into the bed. The nurse came in, realized I was finally back in the real world and cut me loose. Turns out I had punched out the doctor in the ER. and, Just like that I am standing outside the hospital trying to figure where in the fuck I am at, who am I, and where in the hell do I go? I hopped a bus and got off at my barracks in the 22 area. I had no idea which room was mine. This was scary as hell. Finally one of the Marines I knew showed me to my room, and it took me weeks to get my brains back to functioning. My short term memory since then has had issues, and long term can be spotty at times..

So with this realization I learned on my own, new tricks to make a memory work, or at least appear to function. Many of these were subconscious, not something I understood, but they worked. Things like studying, if I spend 15 minutes to a half hour of intense studying, I have learned to stop, take a break for about five to seven minutes, surf the web totally random in manner, then get back to the books.. gave me a 3.91 in my Masters. The point being that there are always ways to work around obstacles.

With this in mind, I have been reading about mindfulness, the idea that our minds affect every waking and non-waking moment we have. and what we focus on, what we spend time listening to those little voices in our heads (yes, you have them too) try closing your eyes and focus on only your breathing. In 10 seconds or less your mind will wander down one of those interesting alleyways and it will take conscious effort to bring it back to focusing on just your breathing.

This mindfulness is the concept of teaching yourself how to think with discipline, and focus. To leave anger, hurt, resentment and all those nasty negative thoughts behind you and focus on what is important. The moment you are in.

I learned a lesson through a personal growth seminar that has echoed for me ever since. Your past is your past. learn from it, grow from it, but don’t live in it.. That time is gone. The future is a promissory note. and too many things can happen that can cause that note to vanish like a fart in the wind.

You have right now. Here and now. It is the miracle of being human, of who we are. The question is, what will you do with your moment? Watch TV? Listen to the radio? Focus on how happy you are in this moment? and continue that thought to the next. and the next and the next. Thoughts are creation machines.. You bring to you what you think. It becomes real in one manner or another. It can be the greatest gift one can have or the worst curse.

So for me, mindfulness, being attentive to your thoughts and what you think is becoming more and more important. Trying to wash away the negativity of the world through various means of communication is daunting. Facebook is one of those. For each positive saying or video clips of funny animals and such there has to be five incredibly negative posts about the government, the police, or humanity in general. It is something I have watched for a few years now, and it has not changed much over that time.

Mindfulness tells you to be careful what you feed your mind, it absorbs everything.. and those little voices that we all listen to day in and day out? Tend to echo what we absorb. And after a while? We cannot discern the ugliness from the world and the ugliness that comes from us. I think the point here (if there is one as this is the ramblings of .. oooo LOOK! a bunny!).. uh, let’s see, where was… oh yeah, the point here is be careful how you feed your thoughts and what your listen to. It can be the nastier side of the human race,

Or the most beautiful

Namaste.

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